Krampus, a figure from Alpine folklore, always gets overshadowed by the more celebrated Santa. Traditionally, Santa embodies the spirit of generosity and reward for good behavior & Krampus serves as a stark contrast, representing discipline and punishment for misbehavior. According to traditional narratives, Krampus is said to arrive on December 5th, known as Krampusnacht, to punish bad ass kids. He's depicted as a horned, anthropomorphic figure who scolds & carries away dastardly children in a fucking basket. I love it!

Picture Krampus wandering through snow-cloaked streets, full of angst & he’s not tossing candy canes into stockings; he’s lugging around a sack of disobedient children who are destined for a questionable fate. Instead of checking the list twice, Krampus is probably burying his face in his claws, wondering how he ended up playing the role of the holiday enforcer.

Psychologically speaking, while Santa might be sipping milk and nibbling cookies, Krampus is dealing with the emotional baggage of children living in constant fear.

The duality of these two figures shows the cultural significance of maintaining moral behavior during the festive season. While Santa rewards children for being "nice," Krampus serves as a reminder of the repercussions of being a naughty little shit. This whole ideal emphasizes the value of discipline in shaping character and encourages children to adhere to acceptable societal behavior. Santa is, after all, a staple in American holiday culture thus making his involvement an invited pastime.

But while Santa may glide smoothly across rooftops, delivering joy and treats faster than a cheetah on meth, Krampus has a considerably more daunting task at hand. First off, let’s talk about his clientele—children who have been naughty. This isn’t just your run-of-the-mill “forgot to clean your room” kind of mischief; we’re talking about the major infractions of dangerous attitudes and evil mischief. Forget “Santa’s nice list”—Krampus has the “Oh, you think you can get away with that?” list, which is a lot longer and definitely more terrifying.

Have you ever tried to convince a child that they should really reconsider that tantrum because Krampus is listening? Talk about a tough crowd! Not only does he have to manage the stress of looming shadows and clattering chains, but he also has to maintain an image as the ultimate anti-Santa without giving up on the potential for redemption. “You better watch out,” sounds cute until you realize it’s actually a threat from a beast.

And don’t even get me started on the wear and tear of his appearance. I mean, when was the last time anyone said, “Hey, Krampus, loving the new look!”? The guy is stuck in the whole "demonic goat" aesthetic while Santa can stroll around in a cozy red suit like he owns the North Pole. Talk about fashion envy! Krampus is over here looking like a jacked-up Pan knock-off while his out of shape, counterpart gets all the glory. 

In short, while Santa enjoys his cookies and cheer, Krampus is over there trying to balance an existance of scaring children straight, dealing with their tantrums, all while maintaining his own mental health. So, if anyone deserves a Mrs. Krampus, it’s definitely our horned friend—someone to keep him company while he takes a deep breath and tries to reconcile the madness of this bullshit holiday hustle. After all, even the scariest of figures needs a break from the holiday hoopla.

Civilization, may argue that the concept of Krampus is needed now more than ever. The argument that current parenting styles lean towards permissiveness, the fearsome image of Krampus could serve an important role in reinforcing boundaries and accountability among children since parents nowadays don't want to be "the bad guy". His narrative highlights the importance of moral lessons and could challenge children to reflect on their actions.

parade, Vienna 12/5/2024

Krampus