HYPNOSIS: THE SCIENTIFICALLY APPROVED HOCUS POCUS

So apparently, hypnosis is real. Yeah, that same “you’re getting very sleepy” routine with a watch swinging like a damn pendulum — that’s the one science decided to stamp with approval. Who the hell thought of this cockamamie nonsense? And worse, who sanctioned it? The scientific community, with their lab coats and clipboards, looked at someone waving jewelry in another person’s face and said, “Yes. That’s legitimate medicine.”

Get the fuck outta here.

The irony is nauseating. These same experts will trip over themselves to discredit anything that smells like necromancy, divination, or energy work — but hypnosis? Oh no, that’s evidence-based. Apparently, if you slap enough medical jargon on something that looks like a sideshow act, it graduates to “therapeutic technique.”

According to Healthline and a choir of “trust us, we’re scientists,” hypnosis supposedly helps with anxiety, addiction, pain management, and even weight loss. Yeah. Sure. Maybe it’s just an expensive nap where someone whispers common sense into your subconscious. Let’s be real — half the time, people just need a voice authoritative enough to tell them what they already know: stop stressing, breathe, put the damn cigarette down.

Science calls it a “state of heightened suggestibility.” But, it's all just a really good talking-to with mood lighting.

And you know what? The real kicker is how easily some want to believe in it. I suppose desperation can turn some folks into fools. There's no way this tomfoolery can be taken seriously as a solution among reasonable people. And it's unsettling that more physicians haven't disproved this and condemned it outright. I cannot stress this enough: Hypnotism is a pass-the-buck racket that eschews real self-accountability. 'Hypnosis' sounds cleaner than saying, “I had to sit down and face my own emotional trash.” So, they outsource their inner work to someone with a certificate and a soothing voice.

The wild part? There’s actual research backing it — studies that say hypnosis can alter perception, behavior, and even pain response. Which is hilarious, considering these same folks will roll their eyes at spiritualists, witches, or energy workers who’ve been doing this exact kind of mental work for centuries — just under different names.

So, even with that fact stated, the medical industry still expects the public to accept hypnosis as legitimate and disparage occultism, writing it off as "mumbo-jumbo". But to stupify. THAT'S considered medicine. Yuhuh. So, just so we're clear, the recap is as follows:

A witch chanting over a candle? Pseudoscience. A guy with a pendulum and a medical degree? Groundbreaking innovation. Gotcha. This is from the same medical industry that put their seal of approval on gender reassignment.

All hypnosis proves is how easy it is to hack the human mind with suggestion. We’re programmable creatures. Science just wrapped that obvious fact in a lab coat and called it a discovery. Whether it’s a stage magician or a certified therapist, the effect’s the same: someone talks, you believe, and the rest is suggestive neurochemical magic. At the end of the day, if we’re gonna honor one, let’s stop clowning the others. Because the only real difference between a hypnotist and a witch... is that one gets published in Scientific American and the other gets shunned by society.

Maybe hypnosis is real — but not because it’s scientific. It’s real because belief is the most powerful drug we’ve ever manufactured, and we’ve been self-dosing since the dawn of thought. Call it hypnosis, call it sorcery, call it whatever the hell you want — it’s all the same hustle dressed up in different robes. So, save your money, and have yourself a good old-fashioned, cathartic pow wow before anything. And if push comes to shove, you bet your ass I'm going with cleansing and purification before I ask a whitecoat to hypnotize me!

That'll be the day!