Friday the 13th —Debunked

Let’s talk about Friday the 13th— that supposedly cursed day that makes people walk around like Final Destination is creeping just behind them with a clipboard and a sickle. Somehow, the mere combination of a day and a number sends folks into a tailspin of irrational fear. Miss me with that nonsense. Let’s unravel this tangle of superstition, history, myth, and straight-up stupidity.

The Dirty Deets on Thirteen

The number 13 has been done dirty throughout history. In Christianity, it caught a bad rep at the Last Supper — you know, that infamous dinner where Jesus broke bread with his 12 ride-or-dies and one snaky Judas, the 13th guest, who went on to snitch on him harder than a kid trying to get out of trouble. Suddenly, 13 is evil incarnate.

But wait, Norse mythology threw in its own drama centuries earlier. Loki — God of mischief and low-key chaos agent — crashes a dinner party in Valhalla as the 13th uninvited guest. Result? Balder, the golden boy of the gods, ends up dead. Now both cultures are blaming guest number 13 like it’s a bad Tinder date.

The problem? They weren’t even on the same continent, fam. Christianity straight-up plagiarized Loki’s gatecrasher energy and remixed it for Sunday school. Germanic folklore was out here doing the most while the rest of the world was still scribbling on scrolls. So if we’re keeping it real, the whole “13 = bad” thing is just a historical game of telephone that went global.

Friday: The OG Bad Reputation

As if the number 13 wasn’t catching enough heat, poor Friday had to get dragged into this superstition stew. Jesus was crucified on a Friday. Eve allegedly handed Adam that fateful apple on a Friday. Cain clapped Abel — yup — on a Friday. That’s a whole lot of biblical drama tied to the end of the workweek. But you know what really holds true on Fridays? PAYDAY. So, yeah, my need for money supersedes any fear of superstition.

The Knights Templar Got Caught Slippin’

On Friday, October 13th, 1307, the Knights Templar got rounded up and arrested by King Philip IV of France, aka Petty Philip. Suddenly, Friday the 13th is now “cursed.” Never mind that Philip was broke and needed a reason to cancel their whole squad. But hey, let’s go ahead and base a whole global superstition on one medieval beef. Sounds totally rational.

Meanwhile, in NYC, where rats have their own subway system and pigeons fight you for your bagel, nobody’s sweating a damn elevator button. Trust me, that building ain’t cursed — but your rent just might be. People are experts at making a big deal out of absolutely nothing. Of all the things that deserve our fear —the apocalypse, AI, taxes — y’all chose a calendar date? Bruh. 😂

But that’s humanity for you: forever haunted by bedtime stories, Hollywood scripts, and ancient mistranslations. I wish I could say I'm surprised, but some days I’m just embarrassed to be part of this species. Still, I’ll be here, rolling my eyes on every Friday the 13th, watching the chaos unfold like a spectator at a very dumb parade. Because hey, if we’re going to believe in curses, at least let them come with popcorn and a Jason mask. Lmao, C'mon, people.

Let's shift the vibe to pay homage and give respect where it's due. Celebrate the man who taught you how to ride a bike, drive a car, fix the sink, & how to get back up when life knocks you down. That’s the kind of real magic we should be hyping up — It’s not Friday the 13th that deserves the hype, it’s Father’s Day! Seriously — who but the ignorant gives a fat, flying crap about Friday the 13th? What, some ancient superstitions and horror movie reruns got you all shook that much? Chill. The real event worth your attention is Father’s Day, and it’s this weekend. Yuhuh.

Final Thoughts: Humans Gonna Human

If your dad (or father figure) is around and doing his thing — being present, being supportive, being dad — then he deserves more than your anxiety over bad luck and black cats. Let the fake curses and broken mirrors have the day off. This is about Pops in the recliner waiting on that call or cookout invite. Enough with the spooky nonsense. Or stay superstitious, idgaf just don't expect concise persons to partake in this lack of sense and sensibility. You make your own luck in life.

Hollywood: Turning Dumb Ideas into Box Office Gold

Then came Friday the 13th — the movie franchise that gave birth to Jason Voorhees, the least talkative, most stabby mama’s boy in cinema. The series has absolutely nothing to do with historical superstitions, but because “Friday the 13th” sounds creepy, it became a horror brand. And because people love scary shit, it became a global phenomenon.

So now every time this date shows up, folks start ducking ladders, and side-eyeing black cats like they’re plotting something.
And About That 13th Floor...

Buildings that skip the 13th floor — this one makes my eye twitch. You really think skipping a number on an elevator panel is going to change your fate? That’s not how gravity works. That’s not how floors work. The Empire State Building — which, *gasp*, HAS a 13th floor — is still standing tall without any portals to hell or sudden spikes in hauntings.